Pondering...

If you ask a person what is needed to have a good and happy life you’d get a number of responses. The majority of them, I would think, would revolve around material security. I think many people in this part of the world, anyway, would, by default, include going to college and thereafter having a better paying job. But is that what truly makes one happy?

I’ve heard scores of quotes from wealthy people regarding their feelings about being wealthy and, while it ensures that they’ll have everything materially that people would think would create satisfaction and happiness, it seems that, instead, it only causes a different problem – the fear of losing what they have. “The more you have, the more you have to lose” is a quote I remember hearing. Honestly, I think intelligence coupled with wealth may create a measure of happiness. Such as a person who worked to get wealthy vs the lottery winner. Lottery winners have a reputation for squandering their winnings, ending up in jail, or being worse off than before they came into the money.

People who live simpler lives, even some who’ve given up the fame and riches find more satisfaction from having only the necessary things. “Keeping up with the Joneses” creates stress, frustration and the new problem of fear of losing what they have. Or having to constantly upgrade their belongings to the newest and greatest. It’s a vicious circle that ultimately does not create happiness. Having what you actually need and only that relieves that stress and frustration, resulting in satisfaction and – something closer to happiness.

Money can’t buy so many things that are actually necessary to create a happy life: Good health, true friends, self-satisfaction and a clean conscience.

Recently Rick and I had a discussion that caused me to think deeply, to ruminate. I do that. I don’t discuss something and then instantly push it out of my mind, I ponder it, mull it over, discuss in my own mind whether how I’ve been thinking is the right way to think or whether maybe it’s foolish and I should change my thinking. This is what caused me to get to this blog. We had a discussion about whether or not JWs lifestyle was one that brought unhappiness. So – back to the question: What brings real happiness?

I hope my point of money not being the answer is made. It is definitely needed to sustain life but it isn’t necessary to make one happy. Sometimes it even causes the opposite effect.

I mentioned a few things previously that are needed to be happy, good health being the first mentioned. Money can help there but is not a solution. Good health is best maintained by a healthy lifestyle, meaning eating as well as possible and getting proper exercise. And avoiding doing things to ruin your health. That would include smoking, and abuse of drugs, alcohol and even food! While much of the world does not have the funds to attain the food that could be more readily available, much of that particular problem is caused by mishandling of products due to government or business involvement and greed. Food gets sent to places like Somalia but all the entities that are involved cause it to sit on the dock and rot, they can’t (or won’t) agree on how to handle the goods. The hungry just remain hungry. In this scenario money may actually be making the problem worse. Often it’s the greed or power of the entities that cause them to disagree and thus allow the food to sit. They won’t work together, they all want to be in control or be able to make a profit from the transaction.

True friends. What is a true friend? I have a funny saying: “a true friend is the one that will take your fish”. The fish spoken of are the ones that are left in your fish tank when the rest have died and you just want to get rid of the tank. Another saying: “a true friend will help you move” (more recently amended with “a really true friend will help you move a body”, um, no). “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk” is a pretty good one. Basically, a true friend is one that will go above and beyond to help you out. They’re self-sacrificing and have your welfare in mind. They want to be sure that you’re safe and secure. They’ll stop you when you’re about to do something stupid that will eventually cause you unhappiness.

The next item on my above list was self-satisfaction. What causes one to feel satisfied about themselves? It wouldn’t be to cause others pain. Rather it would be the opposite. A person feels good when they make others happy. “There is more happiness in giving then there is in receiving”. Every parent understands this concept. When we decide to bring another person into this world and their life, including their happiness, is in our hands we get great satisfaction when it happens. Who doesn’t love a happy kid? Who wants a miserable one? Sometimes the training of a child causes them temporary sadness, but in the long run they’ll be happier if they know how to treat others and be a respectable person. It’s kind of like paying it forward, we teach our children to give, then we’re happy and they’ll be happy. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. Another saying that leads to happiness. Although that one works better if everyone had the same understanding of how happiness is created by kindness and generosity.

The last on my list is a clean conscience. This one goes overlooked by many but goes hand in hand with my last subject of self-satisfaction. We’re born with it, the only beings that are (no animals have a conscience) but it has to be trained, just as a human has to be trained to be human. It is meant to prod us in the right direction, to know right from wrong and cause us pain (which makes us unhappy) when we choose to do wrong. There are people who may have caused their consciences to be callused, damaged or nonfunctioning and therefore don’t feel that happiness from doing the right thing. They may feel happiness from doing bad and causing harm. They are the deviants and we shouldn’t look at them as examples of how doing those things can make us happy, it only does that to damaged people. Being damaged isn’t part of being happy.

By nature all people know these things. There is a certain amount of training involved but that doesn’t mean it’s not natural. It’s natural for humans to walk upright on 2 feet, but if they’re not raised by another human, if they’re raised by a creature that walks on all 4’s, they’ll grow up walking on all 4’s. But humans are not meant to be raised by other creatures. Humans raise humans, dogs raise dogs, birds raise birds and each species teaches the next generation how to correctly be that species.

There is an additional motivation for doing good, feeling self-satisfaction and having a clean conscience that some overlook: Accountability. We have parents, employers, government authorities, all these demand our obedience. We are accountable to them. In the long run we gain happiness by doing the right thing according to the powers that be. Some things are unfair, difficult, costly and don’t create happiness but respecting the position, doing things correctly, having guidelines to follow and following them, all create a good feeling. Accountability. Moral issues that have no lawmakers to govern right and wrong fall into a different category, there is no tangible authority to govern that. Persons believing in a higher power, one that cares about what we do, wants us to be happy as we do our children, and never condones cruelty or wrongdoing, have an advantage over non-believers or those who venerate a cruel higher being: Accountability.

In the world that we live it’s very hard at times to obtain happiness. The world is not geared toward the behavior that brings it. In fact, often it’s actually bent in the opposite direction. The world pulls one into being materialistic, which does not bring happiness. It tells us to be selfish: “Me time”, “Do it”, “Watching out for number one”. Everyone embraces these sayings that are simply propaganda meant to get people to spend money, they are made up and broadcast by greedy big business. They are not meant to create happiness except to the business owners who think that the money they make is where they’ll find happiness. Buying the best and newest shoes or cell phones brings only brief joy to the consumer.

In a nutshell, I guess you could say, happiness belongs to good people. It’s intangible and can’t be bought.

So - be a good person and be happy!